I booked my one way ticket to Sydney today. It definitely was bittersweet and I found I was much more sad than I expected to be when I did. Don't get me wrong. I am totally elated about the possibilities and the unknown that lies within this next chapter of my life. I'm just finding myself more torn about this move than I ever have been before.
At first I didn't get why I was more upset this time than I have been all of the other times I've moved. I mean, I left Boston, left Sarasota, left Sydney (round 1). I guess I thought I was kind of immune to the moving thing. I have friends around the world, and though I miss them, I've always felt that there was a lot more value to be derived in life through traveling and living as many places as possible and seeing as many things as possible than there would be to stay in just one place. Maybe its because when I left everywhere else, I felt more ready to leave or I had gotten to a point where I felt I had gotten everything out of those places that I was going to.
Maybe it's because I have formed so many amazing friendships here, and I know from my past experiences that as hard as you try, some of those do end up falling by the wayside when you aren't physically in the same place. Maybe it's because there are still possibilities and unknowns in San Francisco that I don't feel like I've totally explored. Maybe it is cause I finally had felt like I'd put some roots down in the Bay Area and now I'm ripping them up.
Though it is somewhat sad, I am also aware that I was reaching a point of almost complacency in my life. I was very comfortable in my day to day, in my job and with all of my friends. I think this move is crucial to ensure that I don't become complacent in my monotonous routine, and that I don't just settle for what is comfortable. I've always wanted a lot out of life, cause I've known that life has a lot to offer and you just have to go after it. I know that every sad feeling and apprehension I have about this is just more reason I need to be going after it, since if I'm scared, it means I have that much more to learn from it and to grow once I actually do it.
I do find it funny that it ended up being Sydney that I am going back to. When I left in 2006, I remember thinking that might be the last time I'd ever be in Australia. Growing up, I recall having an Australian pen pal, named Opal, and I remember planning a fake vacation to Australia as a school project. My favorite animal growing up was a koala bear and I still wear my opal necklace daily. I don't know what any of this means, or if there really is any rhyme or reason to any of it, or if its just coincidence and dumb luck, but one way or another, it's official. I am going. This should be interesting... :)
“There is no time for cut-and-dried monotony. There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time.” -Coco Chanel
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
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